i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
