I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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