i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
