hotel room ftw
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
