the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your topless pictures make me question reality
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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