New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
