I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
