i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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