i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
this is an emotional support booty call
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
