one two three fourrrrnication!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
