like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like, not good at living.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
