Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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