We won't sleep together?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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