I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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