After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
