u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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