bring money and cleavage
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
