i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
