Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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