he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
