I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
