I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
