i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
