the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
