If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
