maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
