I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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