if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
