Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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