If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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