I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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