She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
