Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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