I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
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Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
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I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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