she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
