were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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