I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
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I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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