I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The uberlube is also flammable
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
