Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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