Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
