Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
