I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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