in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I pour the whiskey from now on
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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