Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
