3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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