I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
