Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
