this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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