I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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