i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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