what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
