Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
