My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
