Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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