i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
