get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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