Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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