I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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