When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
