Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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