How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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